Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
