yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
