just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
