im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
