Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
