You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
