Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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