I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She bit a glass in half.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
