Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
