I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
