My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
