I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
