I hate your face
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
