is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
