guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
