what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
