i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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