Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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