he puts the penis in happiness.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Found the puke drawer
foreskin is a definite game changer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
