K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was confusing and full of hummus
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
