go do what you do best...puke behind churches
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm at about main and main street
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
