Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
