I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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