I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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