We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
