we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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