Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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