...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize