My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
