update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
