At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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