Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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