We won't sleep together?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
