obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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