everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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