I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drunk is not a location!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
