I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
