How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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