my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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