My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
