Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
