guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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