I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
