I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize