all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
