Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
