so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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