I faked an abortion last night.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
