The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
