I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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