My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
