Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
