I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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