I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
