I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
