I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Are my feet made of real feet?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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