Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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