Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize