It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
