I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
