life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I didn't notice because vodka
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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