i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
