Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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