Im at strip club and am horny
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
