we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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