It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize