Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
