God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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