My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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