There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
