We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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