dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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