So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
