doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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