you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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