he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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