I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
