after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
