A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
