your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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