I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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