I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
