sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
