So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
