At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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