Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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