Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
