okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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