just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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